Friday, November 4, 2011

All or Nothing

I day dream a lot. Lately I've imagined myself onstage in the ridiculous outfits I've recently purchased. (Dia is a pop act now so anything goes!). My daydream goes two ways. Sometimes the show is perfection, and those crazy stage lights blind me, and I feel like I'm in heaven and at the top of the world living everyone's dream. Other times, I imagine myself tripping over the keyboard stand, ripping my dress that I spent an entire paycheck on, and rolling off the stage into a crowd that separates once they realize I'm about to smash them. (You've seen the youtube videos, the ones where the crowd surfer dives to his doom once everyone decides his life isn't worth preserving.) 

I bought these heels a few days ago. They are the super platform kind, the kind of shoes that you almost need ski poles to aid you while your walking. I'm always grabbing on to Nick's arm, steering clear of threatening potholes. Whenever my death-grip cuts off his circulation, he asks me in a slightly annoyed tone, 

"Why do you wear those kinds of shoes anyway?" 
"I'm trying to become familiar with them so I can wear them on stage!" I grunt with effort. 
"Why, so you can be like every other guitar-playing chick in high heels?" 
"What female shreds in high heels?" I growl back. 
"Joan Jett."
"That broad's a punk rocker! She tromps around stage in chuck tailors, come on!" (Like I used to, I think to myself, as I recall fond memories of the simple touring days.) 

It was at that point that my stellar heel hit a pot hole, and I face planted in pavement. I think the universe was on Nick's side of the argument…

Worrying about an event far off in the future doesn't do any good. In fact, one's performance in any given situation depends mostly on one's confidence. I used to think that advice was a crock of crap only a few months ago, but a couple recent experiences have changed my mind.

Do any of you remember seeing my "back-flip off the rope swing" youtube video? Before I jumped to my death, instead of thinking, "Good lord, my face is about to be imprinted on those jagged rocks below me," I took hold of that mossy rope and decided right then and there that I could do it. "It's the same thing as a trampoline. I've done a million back flips. I'm going to show those six year olds in their inner tubes below me who is boss woman!" I thought.

And I did it. 

And then I did it again.

And then every beer-guzzling, lake-drifter and sunbathing-diva were asking me for advice, watching for the next time my turn came up to evaluate how I executed my superb "back-flipping technique".

The second time I surprised myself happened while I was gripping the handles of Nick's scooter. God, I hate motorcycles and scooters, and anything mechanical on wheels without a windshield or passenger side doors. It just seems like all it would take is a tiny gust of wind, and then you're road kill. I rode around on a death-machine recently, sitting behind Nick, gripping his stomach, enjoying the wind ratting my hair up into one big clump on the back of my neck. The afternoon was lovely. I felt a like a googly-eyed kid on her first ride of Disneylands "It's a Small World". Not a responsibility in the world. All I had to do was hold on. Then Nick had to ask me "if I wanted to drive?" 

"Well, sure." I put on a macho front. I'm like Marty McFly. No one better call me "chicken". So we disembarked and traded places in the Barnes n' Noble parking lot to practice. True, I was having a rough time with the turns. Instead of speeding up and taking them smooth, I slowed down to a snails pace to the point that both of us would wobble over and Nick would have to put his feet down to explain that "Speed is on our side when it comes to turning." "That's what YOU think." I thought to myself. I reasoned in my head that the slower we traveled the softer we would fall when we CRASHED!

He hesitated when it came to letting me drive us home on an actual ROAD road filled with other vehicles, and although I truly didn't want to be in charge of both of our lives, I took the lead.  I decided, I can either "chicken" out, and we can wobble our way to death by embarrassment on our way home, or I can quit being a pansy and just drive the thing.

I took hold of the handles, pressed down on the accelerator, floored that baby if you will, and I was a rockstar on that scooter! Meg the Rockstar Scooter Driver. Has a nice ring to it. 

Once again, I had zero experience. Nick had zero (if not negative) expectations, but I decided I was going to do it. The confidence went up, and the performance went up.

It's all or nothing, baby. Let's ride!

8 comments:

  1. Great post. I have to agree. Confidence is everything. I mean, con men can be anyone simply because the world (people especially) respond to confidence. Not to be negative about the whole thing, though!

    Seems like Nick really lets you push yourself to be better. I have to agree with him on the shoe thing, too. I've come to the conclusion that women wear high heels for other women, not men. You're tall enough already, Meg. Why would you want to dwarf all the short people even more?!?!?

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  2. I loved this post! Lately I've had a bit more confidence. I don't know what it is, but I feel more superior! - especially when I wear my chandler ;)

    High heels...I wonder how my brother is in Grade 4 and he can walk in them almost as good as I can. He's been like that since he was 2! You would always find him wearing my mom's heels while staring at himself in the mirror...

    PS. I was Joan Jett for Halloween.

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  3. This is really relevant to me right now. It makes me feel better about everything.

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  4. Picture the back-flip. Be the back-flip.

    Relating to this post, I think I've had too much confidence lately... or a complete lack thereof. I've accepted so many responsibilities, I don't have all that much time for myself anymore! I've either been too confident in myself, or lacked the confidence to deny the extra workload. Being confident is good, but I have to remember not to bite off more than I can chew.

    On another note, glad to see you've been having fun lately! Seeing as we have a video of your backflip... I'm thinking tricks on Nick's scooter is next? Haha

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  5. Haha the first comment is exactly what I was thinking as well. You're already so tall, Meg! No need to go stumbling around on death traps (heels over 3 inches, mostly). I'm only about 5'4" and tried on some 5-6 inchers the other day... I must say it was such a nice feeling to be able to see over the shoe racks of the store I was in, but that feeling definitely wouldn't have been worth a sprained ankle or two if I decided to wear those heels regularly. hah

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  6. Vigilant, I think I agree with your statement about "girls wearing heels for other women". You are making me rethink my entire stage wardrobe strategy. haha.

    Kalli,

    You feel my pain! haha. Being taller does help sometimes. I actually went to a concert the night I wore them. I had no problem viewing the stage.

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  7. love the way you write..i can feel and see the things you describe, and that's how great writers write...

    please write a book, then make it a movie then be a millionaire..then make me your friend, lol! but seriously, you can out-write Stephanie Myers anytime or Nicholas Sparks, and look what writing did to them? (if i have your brains, or any of you-Frampton's brains, i will write a generic easy read books and target the heart of teens and teens at heart)...so on your free time before the tour-hey! you have time to write..

    FYI: I am in awe of you, Diabot, and your family...

    Speaking of.. I missed out on Diabot, when i logged on at 5:45pm its sold out---I am in LA, yup-time difference, i thought since you're in LA you meant Pacific time--i know, i'm a loser..imma go and ride my motorcycle now and be a road kill somewhere posh..or

    I'm just gonna wait for Megabot!on hills =), so what's your shoe size?

    In awe of you,
    Nel

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  8. You've got far more courage than me. I've never driven a motorcycle-type vehicle and never really want to. My friends tell me they are heaps of fun but I'm pretty sure they just want to watch me injure myself. But perhaps I just need to boost my confidence a bit more, and start out on something small...like a tricycle.

    I'm glad to hear Meg & Dia (err, I suppose Dia Frampton and the Frampettes to be more accurate haha) will be touring with Blake Shelton on his new tour. I've never really listened to his music, but I may have to become a fan so I can buy a ticket and see you guys when you come up to Seattle. Do you guys still do your Cool Runnings chant before going on stage?

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